BETTER TOGETHER

COMMUNICATING IN CONFLICT

ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.    

“Conflict is to a relationship what disease or injury is to a body.”

GOING THRU CONFLICT IN A HEALTHY WAY CAN STRENGTHEN CONNECTION

PROVERBS 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

WITHOUT CONFLICT, WE WILL NOT FACE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW

WILL WE ALLOW CONFLICT TO HELP US GROW, OR TEAR US APART?

THE GOAL: BUILDING A CONFLICT-RESILIENT CONNECTION

THE GUIDELINES OF HEALTHY COMMUNICATION (IN SERMON NOTES)

    — Our first goal in a conversation is to understand one another.

    — My thoughts, feelings, and needs are valuable and important, and so are yours.

    — I do not participate in disrespectful conversations. When my thoughts, feelings, and needs are devalued in a conversation, I will stop the conversation and set a clear boundary. Until respect is restored, I will not participate.

    — We need to communicate our true feelings and needs to establish trust and intimacy.

     — It’s my job to tell you what is going on inside me, and your job to tell me what’s going on inside you. We do not have powers of telepathy or the right to assume we know one another’s motives, thoughts, feelings, or needs.

    — Our first goal in a conversation is to understand one another.

    — The best way to communicate my feelings and needs to you is to use “I messages” and clear, specific statements that show what I am feeling and experiencing.

     — I will not expect you to know my feelings and needs unless I have communicated them to you.

    — I will not make judgment statements or tell you how you must change in order to meet my needs.

    — When you communicate your needs to me, it is my job to listen well so I can understand what you need, how my life is affecting you, and what I can do to meet your needs.

    — I am committed to protecting and nurturing our connection. I will do what I need to do in order to keep moving toward you—no matter what.

    — It’s my job to manage my heart so that I can respond to you in love and cast out fear in our relationship.”

APPLY

WHAT DO WE DO WHEN CONFLICT GETS UGLY? (THESE SEEM FOREIGN) 

  1. WHAT DO YOU NEED? 
  2. SEND AND RECEIVE CLEAR MESSAGES
  3. COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN/SET BOUNDARY
    1. EACH CONVERSATION NEEDS
      1. ONE SPEAKER
      2. ONE LISTENER
        1. NO ONE LISTENING = NO CONVERSATION
        2. “Most problems are solved in the momentum of protecting connection.” DANNY SILK
          1. BEING AN ACTIVE LISTENER = PROTECTING CONNECTION

LISTENING PROVES YOU BELIEVE THE BEST IN YOUR CONNECTION

KEEPING YOUR LOVE ON, NO MATTER WHAT

JUST AS CHRIST DID FOR US

ROMANS 8:34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.